I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
