Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
