i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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