I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
