is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
