literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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