He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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