My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
