my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
