I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
