Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
