Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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