My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We got so high we made milksteak
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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