Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
