You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
