Whod you bang
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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