how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
