you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
