There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
