Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
