guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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