you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
