I'm lost and stupid without you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
