god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
