: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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