i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
