I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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