ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
not ubering you a puppy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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