This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
