i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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