She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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