I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
