A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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