im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
