Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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