I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
