Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
