yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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