I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
