did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
