..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
