Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
