u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
