I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
home. puking in laundry basket.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
