My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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