Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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