what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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