Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
