so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
COCAINE IS GR8
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
