I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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